Fashion is the way I introduce myself to the world, every day, without saying anything.

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Do you all ever experience something that makes you feel like a two year old? Where you go “God! I could have handled that better!” And then you kind of wallow in your perpetual fifteen-ness for the rest of the night and drink half a bottle of wine and eat grilled cheese and fries?

Last night after work (my day job) I went to Whole Foods and spent a large sum of money on a salmon fillet, and a variety of fancy veggies to make myself dinner. I was feeling super chuffed and grown up (I am 29, when will that feeling stick around?), and even though Raven usually does the cooking, I was determined to have my creation waiting for him when he finished work. So I called my mom to ask her how I should cook the salmon – see, super grown up. She wasn’t home, but I got my dad, and said something along the lines of, “I’m almost 30, Dad, I can’t believe I’m calling Mom for cooking help.” His response was, “You’re a kid! Oh, to be 30 again. (Pause) Oh, to be 65 again! (hearty chuckle)” We ended up having one of those lovely spontaneous conversations about how lucky we are to be healthy, and that it’s a nice reminder to appreciate how good we’ve got it.

Cut to 20 minutes later, I peek in on the salmon to find that it is engulfed in flames, and look to my right to see my dog – who’s greatest fear is fire and smoke – cowering and crying by the door. Long story short, one of my neighbors and I found the fire extinguisher in the hall and he helped me put it out, while my other lovely neighbors comforted Charlie in their apartment. Ten minutes later, the fire department was in my apartment checking everything out, in full gear. I swear, one guy even had some kind of lance / spear that was rendered extremely unnecessary.

Expensive dinner ruined, dog traumatized for life, I sat on the couch and just felt so silly. Why can’t I successfully cook dinner for myself? Why don’t I know how to use a fire extinguisher? Why can’t I be more adult? The truth is, I lean on the support of friends and family so deeply. I make my business their business, I ask questions, I soak up their answers. I rely on them, and sometimes it comes back to bite me in the face.

What a (literally and figuratively) small problem that fire was. It could have been so much worse, and I really have nothing to complain about. But I can’t help feeling bad about myself. They say experience is the best teacher, and I feel as though I should have grown up 10 years ago, by experiencing things like I did last night. On the other hand, maybe I wouldn’t have this perspective at 20, and therein lies the grown-up-ness.

Back to fashion, tomorrow, folks. I’ve got a dusty kitchen ego to clean.









image by Victoria Gloria Photography.

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7 years ago

aaaaand this is why i don’t cook. i’m glad you’re ok and nothing too terrible happened! charlie will recover. 🙂